Sunday, January 1, 2012

Run Happy, Feel Sexy

Run Happy, Feel Sexy

Happy New Year! Today is a time for resolutions, goals, hangovers... at least I avoided that last one this year. The resolutions part is getting skipped too. I'm going straight to goals. I have a couple already planned out for this year.

Last year my goal was to run my first 5k. I ran four of them. I also ran a 4 mile race and a 10k. But who's counting...

This year I'm registered for my first half marathon! I'm a little crazy with nerves and a lot excited. I'm also looking forward to a couple of obstacle runs this year. Mostly, I'm looking forward to a year filled with feeling happy and healthy.

One of the things that brought Danyelle and I together as such good friends is our shared goal of happiness. I try very hard to make a conscious effort to choose happiness every day no matter what is going on in my life. Sometimes it works out wonderfully and other times it's like banging my head against a burning wall. Which, in case you're wondering, is indeed worse than banging your head against a non-flammable wall. Nothing's perfect, right?

Since I began running, I have been able to see huge changes within myself. The most noticable change being able to maintain my own happiness. So many times in the last five years, since becoming a stay-at-home-mom, I have had every reason to be happy but just couldn't quite stay that way. One day would be great and the next would be an emotional wreck for no specific reason. I struggled with my weight, with being a good mom, with keeping my house clean, with my weight, with being a good wife, with my weight. It seemed endless. I once tried to explain to my husband about how much I thought about my weight over the course of one day. I told him it was the equivalent of how often a 16 year old boy thinks about sex. I think he finally understood how much it really bothered me.

I finally had to admit to myself that in spite of having a great husband, children whom I love and adore, and wonderful family and friends, I just wasn't happy. I prayed a lot for guidance, for an answer, for a solution. Knowing how fortunate you are and that you have so many things in life to be happy about, but you're still not happy, brings a tremendous amount of guilt. I don't really even know how or when it happened. It just did.

I began considering seeing my Dr. for depression. I already have PCOS and take a prescription for that which helps regulate my insulin levels. I started thinking maybe I needed some sort of anti-depressant too. However, I tend to be a procrastinator. So, making an appointment and going to see the Dr. was something that I just kind of put off. Usually I would say that is the absolute wrong thing to do but in my case it worked for me. That's about the time I saw all of my friends get into running and they looked better in every way. Things started to click into place.

It's been over two years now since I started running. Looking back, I can see the clear path that got me to where I am now. My prayers were answered. Running saved my happiness. Not just running though. Joining a running group has been a huge help for me. There is so much positive energy when we all meet to go for a run. I just feed off of it.

The best part of all though is that I feel healthy and happy. I'm not at my ideal weight but I no longer think about that and let it rule me. Knowing I am stronger than I've ever been is the best feeling for me. For the first time in my life, I feel great about myself.

I've been slacking off since the beginning of December. I'll blame the hectic holiday hubbub instead of sheer laziness and lack of self control. Now, I'm ready. I'm more than ready to tackle the new year. 

My goal for 2012: Run happy, FEEL sexy. No matter what that damn scale says. 2012 is a new year and I'm going to own it!


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